The Complete Guide to Finding the Right Marriage Therapist in New York
Living in New York means there’s no shortage of energy, culture, and opportunity, and like in most places, many couples quietly struggle with disconnection behind closed doors. Add in the long commutes, high expectations, and constant busyness that are often par for the course in New York, it’s easy for relationships to slip into patterns of distance or tension.
If you’ve been searching for a marriage therapist in New York, you probably have already seen how overwhelming it can be. There are hundreds of profiles, credentials, and approaches, and it can become really confusing to go through. At the end of the day, what you’re looking for is someone who understands what’s happening in your relationship and can help you work through the challenges together.
Choosing a therapist isn’t just about location or convenience (although that is definitely a piece!). It’s also important to make sure that you both trust your therapist, feel comfortable with them, and feel hopeful and confident in their work. I always offer a complementary consultation with any new clients so that they can get a feel for my style, because if they don’t feel comfortable with me, progress in therapy will likely move much slower. I also make sure that I feel confident that I can help the couple before working with them. It’s important to feel that your therapist will be able to help you.
Many couples come to me in my Queens office or virtually online saying, “We’re not sure where to start, but we know that where we are now needs to stop.” If that sounds familiar, you are in the right place now! The goal of this guide is to help you make sense of the options, feel more confident in your search, and when it feels right, take the next step toward rebuilding connection.
If you’re ready to explore marriage counseling options, you can learn more about my approach here: Marriage Counseling in Queens | Rebuild Connection — Start Today
Why Finding the Right Marriage Therapist Matters
In all the research done about therapy, what matters most in progress being made is the relationship between therapist and client. Therapy only works when you feel emotionally safe. The right marriage therapist is someone you feel comfortable with, and who helps you both slow down, feel understood, and start to see the patterns that keep you stuck. From there, progress comes more naturally.
Couples often reach out in a moment of high tension. Maybe the same fight has happened again and again, or one partner is halfway out the door. Some have already tried books, podcasts, or well-meaning advice from friends. Some couples have been through other experiences of marriage therapy and haven’t found it to be as helpful as they hoped for.
Finding the right therapist isn’t just about credentials (although those do matter, and we’ll get to there in a little bit). Step one in finding a therapist is about resonance. You should feel that your therapist genuinely gets your dynamic- not taking sides, but helping you make sense of what happens between you. You should also like your therapist and feel liked by your therapist.
In my work as a marriage therapist in New York, I believe that therapy should feel both challenging and hopeful. If you’re working hard but still not seeing change after several sessions, that’s something to talk about. I track progress with my clients regularly, and if therapy isn’t helping, we adjust course together or I refer to someone who might be a better fit. That kind of transparency and honesty is necessary for therapy to work.
Taking the time now to find the right therapist can make the difference later. Marriage therapy can be an investment in your relationship, your emotional health, and family life. I’ve had clients share how going through the therapy process as a couple has helped them individually and in relationships outside their marital relationship.
The Different Types of Therapists in New York
When you start your search, you’ll notice that therapists have different licenses and credentials- LMFT, LCSW, PsyD, PhD, LMHC, and more. When you are seeing a therapist for marriage therapy, the specific degree shouldn’t matter- they should all be treating you in the same way (depending on the modalities they use).
Personally, I believe that the therapist’s current modality and style are more important than their degree and will have much more of an impact on you as a consumer. The degree names simply focus on how their educational background differs. Here’s what those mean in everyday terms:
LMFTs (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists): Their schooling focuses on relationships and systemic patterns, and how partners, families, and attachment bonds shape emotions and behavior.
LCSWs (Licensed Clinical Social Workers): Their schooling trained them in therapy and connecting clients to community supports. LCSWs often have broad clinical experience.
Psychologists (PhD or PsyD): Their training enables them to provide psychological testing and research-informed treatment in addition to psychotherapy.
LMHCs (Licensed Mental Health Counselors- also called LPCs in some states): Their schooling focused on individual and relational wellbeing.
Each license represents that the therapist has had years of rigorous training and supervision. There are some other degrees, such as LMSW, MHC-LP, or MFT, which are therapists-in-training- they haven’t completed all the requirements to practice therapy on their own.
More relevant than the specific degree a therapist has is the advanced post-graduate training that they pursue to enable them to treat couples more effectively. Marriage therapy is different than individual therapy, and your marriage therapist should have advanced post-graduate training in at least one specialized model for couples therapy. Some evidence-based modalities (which means that they work!) for couples include Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), the Gottman Method, Relational Life Therapy (RLT), Imago Therapy, IFIO, or Discernment Counseling. These frameworks help couples better understand their dynamics, repair them, and have the changes last!
As a therapist with extensive training in EFT and Discernment Counseling, I help couples identify the emotional patterns beneath conflict and learn to turn those moments into opportunities for connection rather than pain and keep them going! EFT is often considered the gold standard for couples therapy work because of how it goes right to the pain point and helps couples resolve it for good.
You can read more about my approach to couples at different crossroads here: Discernment Counseling in New York
What Therapy Approaches Are Available?
The term “marriage therapy” can mean many things. In New York, you’ll find therapists who use a variety of approaches. There are many great approaches, and as research grows, the variety of modalities grow as well. Here are some foundational modalities that you might encounter:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): A structured, research-backed approach that helps couples identify and reshape negative interaction cycles. Rooted in attachment theory, EFT focuses on emotional safety and connection rather than problem-solving alone.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy: Based on decades of research, this model teaches practical communication and conflict management skills while building friendship and shared meaning.
Discernment Counseling: For couples unsure whether to stay together or separate, this short-term model helps clarify each person’s motivations and options without pushing for one outcome.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Focuses on identifying unhelpful thought patterns and developing new ways to respond.
Somatic or Body-Based Therapies: Bring awareness to how emotions show up physically — helpful for trauma, anxiety, and high-conflict dynamics.
In my practice, I integrate EFT with parts work, somatic awareness work, and CBT/DBT as necessary. This means I help couples understand the emotional logic of their arguments, slow down reactivity, and build emotional safety. I also give couples concrete tools so that they can come out of sessions empowered. I also do discernment counseling for couples who aren’t sure about staying together
Practical Steps to Choosing a Marriage Therapist in New York
Finding the right therapist takes a bit of strategy and self-awareness. Here are five steps I often recommend:
1. Get Clear on What You Need
Ask yourself: Are we trying to strengthen our relationship, recover from a breach of trust, or decide whether to stay together? Your clarity will help you find a therapist who specializes in that stage of relationship work.
With that said, many times it can be hard to get clear on what you need when you are in the thick of the struggle. I recommend setting up consultation calls so that you can speak with therapists directly. The therapist you speak to should be able to help you clarify what type of therapy will be best for you. When I consult with clients, I recommend the type of therapy and refer out to a specialist when necessary.
2. Read Websites with an Open Mind
Directory listings are helpful for getting a general idea of therapists who work with your pain points, but they don’t offer too much information into how the therapist works. I recommended moving on to websites and following referrals of people you trust. When you read a therapist’s website, make sure that their way of speaking and how they describe their work resonates with you and makes you feel confident that they can help you!
3. Schedule a Consultation
Most therapists offer free 15 minute consultation calls. Use that time to ask about their approach, training, and what sessions typically look like. I offer these consults so that both partners can get a sense of whether we’re a good fit before committing to a session.
Pro-tip: Just because you commit to a session doesn’t mean that you are committing to a full course of therapy with this therapist! You are hiring them, and you get to decide if you feel comfortable.
4. Trust Your Gut
Not every therapist will be the right fit for every client. I try to do regular check ins with clients to make sure that they feel (and stay) comfortable. However, even if your therapist doesn’t do that, check in with yourself regularly! You are never forced to stay with a therapist just because you began with them.
5. Think Long-Term
Meaningful change takes time. In my experience, most couples start noticing small changes within the first few sessions, and after months of consistent work, they suddenly look back and think, “wow, look how far we came!” Depending on what you are coming in for, therapy can take longer or shorter (see my FAQs for more info about this). However, you should be able to track change- that’s the whole reason you’re doing this!
FAQs About Starting Marriage Therapy in New York
Do we both have to come to the first session?
Different therapists structure the beginning process differently. I ask both partners to come to the first session if I am seeing you as a couple. That way neither person feels like the other got a “head-start” (which can happen and cause trouble down the line!)
Do we have to come weekly?
Weekly sessions are ideal to build momentum. I find that once a week creates a foundation where you have time to process the session and stay on the momentum moving forward. However, biweekly meetings at times can be effective, although the therapy process will move more slowly.
What if my partner isn’t sure they want to stay in the marriage?
You may be a good candidate for Discernment Counseling! It’s a short-term process designed to clarify what you each want and give you both a path forward- whether that means working on the relationship or separating with clarity and respect.
If this sounds like it might be helpful for you, please look at this page for more information. I can clarify with you during a free consultation call.
How will we know if therapy is working?
I check in with my clients regularly to make sure that they are getting what they need from this work! How you know will depend on your goals in therapy, but many of my clients share that they start to realize therapy is working when they find themselves ending fights quicker, not fighting as often, or having more emotional and sexual intimacy.
Next Steps:
If you’re reading this, my guess is that you care deeply about your relationship and want to give it the best shot possible. Hopefully, you came out with a bit more clarity than before.
You can learn more about my approach to marriage counseling in Queens and schedule a free consultation here.
About the Author
Michal Goldman, LCSW, is a marriage therapist in New York specializing in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and discernment counseling. She helps couples move from disconnection to understanding and connection— whether they’re rebuilding trust, navigating ambivalence, or learning to communicate more effectively.
Learn more about her work or schedule a consultation at michalgoldmanlcsw.org/about.
