Therapy, Counseling, or Coaching- What’s the Difference?
When you decide to go for couples therapy, you will see a huge range of terminology around the different kinds of support. Should you look for a marriage therapist? A relationship coach? A mediator?
The terms get used interchangeably (for example, I often switch between couples counseling and marriage therapy), which makes things more confusing. But there are places where you will be getting different services depending on what you choose.
This guide breaks it down clearly, so you can choose the right path for your relationship.
If you’d like to learn more about Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), you can read about my approach on the Marriage Counseling in Queens page.
1. What Is Marriage or Couples Therapy?
(The Clinically Trained Option)
Marriage therapy is provided by a licensed mental health professional-usually a psychologist, social worker, or mental health counselor. The therapist you choose should have specialized postgraduate training in couples work. (It is important to note that not every therapist who works with couples has training in couples work. When looking for a therapist, you should make sure that you are seeing someone who has extensive training in couples therapy, as it requires a different skillset than individual therapy.)
Marriage therapy will usually have some focus on some or all of these:
Emotional patterns between partners
Attachment needs
Hurt, disconnection, and repair
Restructuring cycles of conflict
Trauma, betrayal, or long-standing wounds
Deep, lasting relational change
It is important to note that there are different modalities in couples therapy. While most modalities include these focuses, some may not. That is okay if the modality is evidence-based (there is research proving that it works), and the therapist is well-trained.
What it looks like in New York:
A marriage therapist in New York should be using evidence-based models like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) , Relational Life Therapy (RLT), Imago Therapy, or Gottman Method Couples Therapy to help you understand the core emotional dynamics driving the tension between you. There are many other evidence-based models of therapy as well.
Marriage therapy is ideal for couples who are:
Stuck in recurring arguments
Feeling distant or disconnected
Recovering from a betrayal or infidelity
Struggling with trust
Moving through major transitions
Unsure whether they want to stay together
Therapists are trained to navigate emotional intensity, trauma, and escalated conflict in a way that keeps both partners safe and understood.
2. What Is Couples Counseling?
(Very Similar to Therapy, but Typically Shorter-Term)
I often use couples counseling interchangeably with therapy, but sometimes refers to slightly shorter-term or more solution-focused work.
Typically focuses on:
Communication skills
Problem-solving strategies
Clarifying goals
Navigating specific challenges
Strengthening teamwork
Couples counseling is ideal for:
Newer couples
Situational stressors (e.g., parenting changes, moving, finances)
Strengthening communication before marriage
Counseling and therapy often overlap. I focus on a mixture of counseling (the more specific situations) and therapy (the deeper emotional patterns, attachment wounds, and relational trauma) with most of the couples who I see.
3. What Is Relationship Coaching?
(Not Therapy! Focus on goal-setting)
A relationship coach is not required to be licensed or clinically trained. It is really important to be aware of that because unlike therapists, who have oversight by their boards, coaches don’t have any oversight. If you decide to go this route, make sure to do enough research on your coach to ensure that you can trust them.
Coaching focuses on:
Skills
Strategy
Accountability
Future-oriented goals
Coaching does not address:
Emotional wounds
Deep conflict patterns
Trauma
Safety concerns
Mental health issues
Crisis situations
Ambivalence about staying together
Coaching works best when a couple is generally stable and wants support with future goals.
It can be really helpful, but it is not a replacement for couples therapy when there is trauma, disconnection, or long-seated resentment.
4. What Is Discernment Counseling?
(A Specialized Option for Mixed-Agenda Couples)
Discernment counseling is a short-term, structured process for couples where one partner is leaning out of the marriage and the other is leaning in.
It helps partners decide among three paths:
Stay the same
Separate/divorce
Do 6 months of couples therapy with real effort
It is only recommended for couples where one partner is thinking about divorcing and the other would rather stay. In those cases, it can be extremely helpful.
If this resonates, you can explore more on my discernment counseling page.
How Do You Know Which Option You Need?
Here’s an easy way to tell:
Choose Marriage Therapy if:
You feel disconnected and resentful
You have emotional wounds to address
You can’t resolve conflict in a healthy way
You’re not feeling heard
You feel stuck in repeated patterns
There’s been a betrayal
Either or both of you experienced trauma which impacts your struggles
Choose Couples Counseling if:
You’re facing a short-term problem
You want to polish communication
You’re preparing for a transition (marriage, baby, move)
You’re mostly doing well but want support
Choose Coaching if:
You want goal-setting and structure
You’re not in emotional crisis
You want to deepen connection through skills
Choose Discernment Counseling if:
One or both of you are unsure if you want to stay together
You don’t want to jump into therapy blindly
You want clarity before making a major decision
The Most Important Part: The Fit
Regardless of what type of support you get, it’s important that you feel comfortable with and confident in your therapist. All the research on therapy points to the fact that people who make the most progress do so because of the fit between them and the therapist. Everything else are like toppings (important, but not the main point.
If you’re unsure where to begin, you may find it helpful to read
The Complete Guide to Finding a Marriage Therapist in New York for a step-by-step roadmap to choosing the right fit for your relationship.
